And then . . . they came for me . . .

I'm writing this for real... Splitting the ticket is a guarantee the Republican will win - as much as I want Bernie I want MY RIGHTS more and if Clinton is the nominee I will vote for her. As a gay, Atheist woman in the South I know there will be fall-out for me under either Trump or Cruz. Under Trump I might be screwed but under a Cruz theocracy I will be truly repressed. 

I'm reposting these two from another discussion I was in. People may think I'm being paranoid but let's be realistic this country has NEVER faced an election like this before. The GOP want to fundamentally change what this country stands for and they have fear-mongered a fearful, willfully-ignorant and hate-filled base into falling into line behind their diatribes against anyone who is not like them (white, Christian, conservative).
****

"I have to be honest, down here in NC (hell the South in general), I'm starting to get more than a little nervous as to what November may bring us, being as both on the state and national level crazy is in the air. McCrory may be down in the polls now but the loons in this state may stay home instead of voting him out because "there's no need to get out the vote if he's losing in the polls" and many won't vote for Clinton just because she's Clinton. As much as I want Bernie come November I want to retain my rights as a gay, Atheist woman more and will vote for Hillary if she is the nominee. I have to look at it as reasonably as I can and I know dividing the Democrats will give whoever the Republican nominee is the win. No matter if it is Cruz or Trump(or a 3rd party win at the Republican convention) the one thing the GOP has that the Liberals don't is unity in the face of adversity. The Left will undercut all our gains in Equality and Freedom because we're pouting over "our" candidate not being the "chosen one". We will throw away Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to control her own body, gay rights, voting rights, civil rights, public education, Separation of Church and State, the knowledge that America is not nor ever was a Christian nation and give corporations and the 1% more of an opportunity to denigrate the majority of US citizens. A write-in vote or no-vote is the same as a vote for the Republican because all the cynicism will add up to a land slide for the Christian-Conservative, Right-Wing Republican nominee - President Cruz or President Trump - YOU WILL HELP HIM WIN."

and this...

"And you think the Republicans are a better choice? 
Clinton's views are not mine but I don't see her turning this nation into a theocracy the way Cruz has verbalized(promised) or the xenophobic hate-fest that Trump has so openly called for. 

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist; And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist; And then they came for the Jews, And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew; And then . . . they came for me . . ."
Martin Niemöller

I don't want to have to worry about anyone speaking up for me, that's why I'm speaking out now."
****

I have been trying to not be so emotional in what I write but it is not just the idea of a possible future - it is the present I have seen in the 12 years since moving to NC that disturbs me. If it was feasible to move North I would because Jim Crow never died down here he was just waiting to make a come back. Trump, Cruz and the rest of the repressed right wing don't care about anyone except themselves and those who copy their propaganda of hate and religious oppression. 
A friend posted in a discussion: "3rd and lastly ... I am sick and tired of having to vote for the person I find least nauseating. If it means blowing things up for four years, so be it. We survived Bush we'll survive Trump and then maybe things will flip around on the other side." -- I also wish I did not have to pick the "least nauseating" but surviving Bush was very different from what these lunatics, yes lunatics, represent. We may survive a Trump or Cruz Presidency (although for some Americans it may be beyond oppressive)but the repercussions will reverberate for decades. 

Both Republicans are a true danger to the majority of the people in this country, one is a hate-mongering xenophobe and the other wants to instill a theocracy. 
I repeat from above: "We will throw away Planned Parenthood and a woman's right to control her own body, gay rights, voting rights, civil rights, public education, Separation of Church and State, the knowledge that America is not nor ever was a Christian nation and give corporations and the 1% more of an opportunity to denigrate the majority of US citizens." and the Supreme Court will be decimated for decades. I have this same discussion with friends, acquaintances and strangers who think we should just gut it out if Trump or Cruz wins. You may not have the same worries that many others do: being LGBT, a minority of race or religion, non-religious, a woman, middle-class or lower-middle class, poverty level, senior citizen, disabled, i.a. but realize that sometimes the end sometimes justifies the means.

Everyone has their faults but it's when you have to search for the positives and they still aren't there(Trump/Cruz), well then, you have to wonder about YOUR decisions. Clinton has some positives and that is what I have to focus on when I think of having to vote for her. Out of all the devils I know I prefer Hillary over the other two.

I believe if Bernie does not get the nomination he will acknowledge the greater good of the Democratic Party to be united and urge his followers to back Clinton. I believe Bernie Sanders believes in America and her people and he truly wants what is best for us - a "Government of [ALL] the people, by [ALL] the people, for [ALL] the people,..." and he knows Hillary will give us that way more than any Republican would ever even think of doing (or want to).

Am I Insane?

She is me and I am her and no one likes us. 

I try so hard to be likable, kind, good, compassionate and not angry. 
But. 
But the anger is always there. Bubbling away like an underground stream. A contaminated, vile underground stream. The level of hate is ridiculous - I have no patience for you. For your stupidity, your willful ignorance, your martyrdom, your self-pity, your insolence. I feel a level of violence well up inside me that frightens me. Normal people do not experience this. My heart clutches in my chest, I can barely breathe and all I want to do is strike out. You won't like me when the part of me that is fed up with you emerges.
I am not responsible for her. 
Not her emotions. Not her feelings. Not her insecurities. Not her.
It's about that time again. The hospital. 
I try to even out but it does not work anymore. 
The stress, the anxiety, the loathing - it never really leaves.
I'm sad but I don't need your pity or contempt.
I'm coming to terms with what must happen - the conclusion to the angst.

Smells That Taste

Plug-ins. Most everybody uses them - I do not. They smell. There are too many smells. Wait let me clarify - too many artificial smells around now. I had a neighbor who had a plug-in in every room of her house and two in the kitchen. Her house smelled. Artificial floral. Hanging in the air around you and on you. When you left you smelled like her house. I borrowed metal cake pans from her and could not use them. They smelled of floral plug-ins. The smell had permeated or attached itself to the metal. They smelled even after being washed several times. She made cookies at Christmas that tasted the way her house smelled. She did not notice the smell, the taste of the smell, because not only did she live with all the floral plug-ins but also with scented laundry detergent, scented fabric softener, scented dryer sheets(at least 2 of those at a time), scented shampoo, conditioner and body wash and, of course, perfume. I used to love the smell of clothes and sheets hung out on a clothesline but now the scent of everyone's dryer sheets hangs in the air. We have become a land of smells that no one can really smell so we add on more artificial smells in the hope that the next candle, bowl of potpourri, plug-in and now additional add-in scents for the washer and dryer(like the scented products we already have are not scented enough)
Here's the thing - all these smells are artificial, man-made. They are made up of chemicals. One more thing... they are bad for you.

Scent of Danger: Are There Toxic Ingredients in Perfumes and Colognes?

Five ‘Must-Knows’ on the Dangers of Synthetic Fragrance

Chemical Sensitivities » Why Go Fragrance Free?
**The term invisible disabilities refers to symptoms such as debilitating pain, fatigue, dizziness, cognitive dysfunctions, brain injuries, learning differences and mental health disorders, as well as hearing and vision impairments.  These are not always obvious to the onlooker, but can sometimes or always limit daily activities, range from mild challenges to severe limitations and vary from person to person.

"All Men Are Created Equal" (asterisk)

"All Men Are Created Equal" Do we take that, literally, at face value and accept that only men are equal? Do we exclude women - are we supposed to? If we are being Constitutional Literalists where does it end? Only Christians have rights? Ship all the Muslims back where they came from? Blacks back to the back of the bus? It doesn't say "white only" but at our country's inception that's what it was - do we return to that? Is it really a black and white issue(or should I say white?) Or do we stay with gray - include EVERYONE - make no distinction for race, skin color, religion(or none), sexual orientation, gender, disability or whatever other difference that makes us this great melting pot. If we go gray then we must admit that we ALL have the same "inalienable rights". That we cannot allow discrimination of one people by another. We have made special accommodation thru law during the years for specific groups but only to make them "equal under the law." Blacks, women and gays were not afforded the same opportunities as white men in these United States, that is a fact, for many years.

And now in 2016 we have this -

"A Kentucky Senate committee has passed a bill that would allow store owners and other providers of services to refuse to serve interracial couples, interracial families, or couples of different faiths. In addition, the bill would prevent the refused couples from seeking redress through the courts.

...

What is the point of this, the worst-written bill in the history of legislation? To allow persons to refuse service to anyone, at any time, as long as they can say that the persons requesting the services offend their religious beliefs.
...

Think we’re exaggerating? It took only ten minutes with The Google to find churches in Kentucky who oppose interracial marriage. Think their members would like to be able to refuse service to interracial couples?"

http://progressky.com/2016/03/senate-blocks-interracial-interfaith-marriages-sb-180/

"In a one-day specially convened session Wednesday, North Carolina’s legislature passed a sweeping law that reverses a Charlotte ordinance that had extended some rights to people who are gay or transgender. The law passed by the General Assembly and signed that same night by Gov. Pat McCrory goes further than a narrow elimination of Charlotte’s ordinance, which had generated the most controversy by a change that protected transgender people who use public restrooms based on their gender identity. The new law also nullified local ordinances around the state that would have expanded protections for the LGBT community."

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/politics-government/article68401147.html

"This week, Mississippi lawmakers approved a bill called the "Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act." Supporters describe it as a bill protecting religious freedom. Critics call it a sweeping bill giving state sanction to open discrimination against LGBT people. The legislation, now sitting on the governor's desk, allows state employees to refuse to issue same-sex-marriage licenses and protects private companies and religious groups from being punished for denying a range of services to LGBT people.
...
Here's Section 2, in its entirety: The sincerely held religious beliefs or moral convictions protected by this act are the belief or conviction that: (a) Marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman; (b) Sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage; and (c) Male (man) or female (woman) refer to an individual's immutable biological sex as objectively determined by anatomy and genetics at time of birth.
...
Some groups have also noted that because an opposition to extramarital sex is also a protected belief, the proposed Mississippi bill could also impact unmarried couples and single mothers.
...
"Freshman Sen. Jennifer Branning, a Republican from Philadelphia [Miss.], presented the bill. She said it only has one goal: 'This bill in no way allows for discrimination by one person against another. What it does is it prohibits your government from discriminating against you with regard to your religious beliefs. That's the bottom line.' "In all, debate lasted a little more than three hours, with many Democrats arguing the bill was discriminatory against the LGBT community in Mississippi. Many drew distinct parallels between this bill and Jim Crow laws. Sen. John Horne of Jackson says Mississippi's history does not need to repeat itself. ... 'We don't need to put another stain on Mississippi.' "
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/04/01/472669895/heres-why-mississippis-religious-freedom-bill-is-so-controversial

America is taking a step backwards due to the beliefs of a small but dangerous group of Christian extremists. These are people who believe they are persecuted and in turn are seeking to legislate their narrow religious beliefs to oppress those they do not like or agree with. In the majority of these states, trying and also succeeding to enact this discriminatory legislation, the General Assembly and the Governor are not acting at the behest of their constituents. In Georgia the Governor just vetoed similar legislation after an outcry from citizens and local businesses and also a threatened boycott and withdrawal of business from large outside corporations.