21 December 2008

When It Rains It Pours

So I got my health pretty much squared away and now my Dad has been diagnosed with cancer(liver & lymph nodes). The doctors are giving him 60% chance for survival. He started chemo last Wednesday - he's having a hard time. 

03 September 2008

monkey see, monkey don't go there

The Republicans are pulling it out of their (collective) asses. They are so desperate to win this November that they are attempting to reinvent "Hillary". For the record Sarah Palin is no Hillary. However she might be a female version of Pat Robertson or James Dobson. Actually I think she is more dangerous than those two. No choice for abortion EVER - even in cases of rape and incest. She does not believe in equal rights for GLBT persons. Approves teaching creationism in our Science classrooms, banning books, abstinence-only sex education, drilling in ANWAR and home schooling. She endorses aerial hunting of wolves and bear. Proclaims herself as a hunter and outdoors woman but cares nothing about the environment or conservation. In fact she does not believe global warming is man-made and does not think polar bears are endangered. She is a rabid fundamentalist evangelical christian who truly believes "God" is on her side. If McCain equals 4 more years of Bush I truly wonder what 4 or 8 years of Sarah Palin is equal to... I hope we never find out.

20 August 2008


Illness is funny. Sometimes what the actual cause is doesn't seem to relate to the symptoms at all. In November I started with constant diarrhea and abdominal pain. By December I started to lose feeling in my hands. After the New Year the tingling and numbness spread thru both arms, legs, face and neck. After every test you can imagine they narrowed it down to two things. MS or damaged vertebrae. After a lumbar puncture this month they ruled out MS. So now I have to sit with the pain until September 12th - that's when the surgeon can see me. The pain is in my spine now (woohoo) but at least they got the diarrhea under control. Ok enough crabbing for now.

17 April 2008

I've been very ill

I have just felt awful. Had lots of gross tests done. Preliminary results: hiatal hernia, ibs, gastric polyps and gastritis. 

22 March 2008

religious bigots

I have to get this out. It's driving me nuts. Christians irritate the shit out of me. I mean the majority of religious people are annoying because they all think they are #1 on God's list. When you actively seek out others who don't agree with your belief system and try to "save" them thru conversion, all I have to say is mind your own business and get a different(less intrusive) hobby.
 A little background info here - my Mom is a practicing Roman Catholic, Dad is a non-practicing RC and I was raised RC but am now what most would call Atheist(this is recent after years of searching and introspection). Four years ago we moved South of the Mason-Dixon Line into a neighborhood where the majority(99.9%) are Born Again Evangelicals. They think we are all RC and therefore have made repeated attempts to "save" us(some direct and others indirect)mainly because in their minds RC does not equal Christian. Now we come to the latest attempt and this one just plain pissed me off. Yesterday was Good Friday, the day Jesus was said to be crucified. My Mother went out around 7 am to get the paper. Attached to the mailbox was a bracelet made from yarn and  5 coloured beads along with a 2 page letter. The letter was titled "An Easter Story" it went on to explain the purpose of the bracelet and what the different colour beads signified.  Then it went into explaining Easter - their version. Which was mainly repetition of Bible quotes of how we are all sinners and the only way to God is thru acceptance of Jesus. Basically a longer annotated version of the bead explanation. There was not one mention of the "traditional" Easter story except to note over and over that Jesus died for your sins(but we are still sinners until Jesus is truly accepted into our hearts). Now this is the good part. All the way up to this point there is use of "we" and "you" with heavy implication  that if  you choose to accept Christ you too can be saved like we are. The last section is where they bring  it all together. Becoming a Believer is Like ABC  - that's the title of the last section. They actually tell you that you are a sinner and will be separated from God until you confess to Jesus and are born again. One of the last lines is this: "If you became a believer or you have more questions about becoming one you can look at our website". Oh yeah my life changed FOREVER after I read this. Now normally I would blow this kinda crap off. However     this was left anonymously. We know which families attend the church mentioned and most have kids. My parents assumed it was from the kids. I'm not so sure and anyway why was it put in the mailbox unsigned? All the kids know us and come by to visit often(read as: get popsicles and candy) so I can't imagine them doing this. The other thing is this - my Mother called another neighbor who is BA but attends different church and who lives 2 doors down from us, she didn't get the bracelet or the letter. I know it's not that big a deal but it just pisses me off how cowardly and sneaky someone was and they are more likely than not pleased with themselves for their actions. Ok I'm done.

20 March 2008

not feeling too swift ... still

I've been sick since mid-November. I can't remember feeling this lousy for so long before. The doctors have run tons of tests  - found other things wrong(ha ha) but no clue about the cause of the original complaint. I don't feel like typing right now.

10 March 2008

thanks but no thanks

I am me. If you don't like it piss off. I am not here to please you. What is most important to me is my own happiness. It's nice to be liked but not at the cost of being true to myself. I have gone through enough in my life to know that your judgement of me means nothing. Thanks but no thanks - I can do without you in my life.

04 March 2008

piss poor attitude

I was up all day and now I'm crashing .... HARD. Let's be honest I was actually soaring for about 3 days. Everyone around me thinks/hopes it's normalcy, guess what? They are wrong. Bipolar sucks. I hate my brain running faster than me. I despise the feelings I used to crave. The only thing I crave now is death but also I fear that. An endless love/hate relationship. So much anger and self-pity. I disgust myself. The things I want for myself, the things I feel that can make me normal(one of them)terrify me. I really hate hurting those around me. My parents don't deserve this crap. No one does. That's just my opinion.

02 March 2008


John Lennon once wrote "Imagine there's no heaven..." When I was a child I imagined Heaven was above on the 3rd floor in our 3 family house. We lived on the 2nd floor and I can remember being a bit in awe of the back stairs. I cannot say why I thought this just that I did. I can't remember anyone suggesting it to me. I can accurately say that when we moved to our own home (I was about 4 1/2 or 5) I ceased to think this. The belief that Heaven was above the clouds took hold at this point. As I grew older and more aware of scientific fact that clashed with my religious belief I started to make excuses and exceptions for religion. If we know the earth is just one of many objects within our solar system that is within our galaxy within the universe, then where do I place Heaven? Well first "above" and then "outside" the universe. I know they seem the same but for my purposes they are/were not. "Above the universe" was literally that above: on top of. It was later(junior high/high school) when I needed to reconfigure again and "outside the universe" became my accepted view. I can best explain "outside" this way. If the universe were a box it would be inside heaven - heaven being of unknown/indeterminate size surrounding it. As of this writing I don't believe in heaven as a place anymore. By the way I should clarify why in the beginning I've capitalized the word heaven and now I'm not. When I type "Heaven" I refer also to a mindset (a religious/Catholic one) that existed for me at those times, an idealized standing as it were. "heaven" as I think now has no special constructs. I do not believe in its existence at this juncture in my life.

01 March 2008


I do not believe in religious tolerance. I do not think it accomplishes anything. The very definition of tolerance is to indulge or allow. According to Merriam-Webster online: Tolerance: 2 a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own b: the act of allowing something . Who is anyone to allow someone else the right to practice or not practice religion? What I believe in is respect of others beliefs whether religious or not. Again Merriam-Webster online: Respect: 1a: to consider worthy of high regard b: to refrain from interfering with. I would much rather others respect me than simply tolerate me. This holds true for my belief system as well. In as much as I think others would want the same from me. It is one thing to ask questions concerning anothers religious beliefs(or lack of). It is an entirely different matter to attempt to convert or otherwise try to disprove them. Would you welcome the same type of behavior if directed at you? I dare say you would not. Just as also you would not want overt or covert ridicule directed at you and your beliefs. You do not need to agree with someone, but you can be tactful and respectful in your disagreement or questioning.

29 February 2008

People are all the same

No matter how long I live I will never understand people. Just when I think I've met people who are not(or are less) predjudiced you turn around and WHAM! aww shit I'm so tired of all this crap. Why do people have to be so divisive? Why does one group always have to claim superiority? I know I'm rambling. Actually I'm more than a little depressed. Maybe I'm delusional. Maybe I'm full of self-loathing and self-pity. I really hate this.

21 February 2008

Where is the love?

I originally posted this to Internet Infidels Discussion Board in the General Religious Discussions within the thread "God is Love".

"If God is love why do so many religions fight over him? Is there not enough love to go around? In a conversation I had with my father I made the assertion that no one religion should really think they have the lock-on with God. My premise being if all religions believe in some form of a God then they should accept (isn't that a part of love?) that others faith can be as valid as their own. To which my father (a Roman-Catholic) replied "I agree with you but unless they believe in Jesus they will never see God's face." I asked him how he knew this. His answer "Jesus said so in the Bible." Where is the love?"

Is my belief less credible cause it's not yours?

This is taken from an ongoing email discussion I am having with a good friend who is a born-again christian. I am agnostic.

"This is where I stand today.
Agnostic - believe in God/higher power, believe in God driven Evolution, do not believe in an historical Jesus (no contemporaneous proof), the bible is a fictional book with some factual elements. It was meant to act as guidelines for a primitive people although some of it is still relevant today. I believe the stories are a by-product of multi-cultures across many centuries. I base my beliefs on 95% science and history and 5% faith. I believe in respecting others Religious beliefs especially when they don't jive with mine because I want the same in return.
I would never judge another belief system unless it was truly harmful (physically/mentally) and I really do expect the same in return .... haven't gotten that a lot. Anyway I have been doing more and more reading, research, talking and observing."

18 February 2008

My 1st Try

I've never done this before so bear with me. I'm putting out my thoughts and views on what's important to me. So I need a second to collect my thoughts - I'll be right back.