piss poor attitude

I was up all day and now I'm crashing .... HARD. Let's be honest I was actually soaring for about 3 days. Everyone around me thinks/hopes it's normalcy, guess what? They are wrong. Bipolar sucks. I hate my brain running faster than me. I despise the feelings I used to crave. The only thing I crave now is death but also I fear that. An endless love/hate relationship. So much anger and self-pity. I disgust myself. The things I want for myself, the things I feel that can make me normal(one of them)terrify me. I really hate hurting those around me. My parents don't deserve this crap. No one does. That's just my opinion.