Little Bits of Me

There are times I have felt parts of me have been left behind like a breadcrumb trail. They are just there - a tribute to nothing, signposts that signify even less. I'm sad again. What else is new. That is the only constant. Funny thing is the 1st feelings I remember are only happy ones. Happy feelings followed by a barrage of crappy ones. Anger, sadness, just basic unhappiness. But why? Is the answer more breadcrumbs?

110 friends on Facebook

I have 110 friends on Facebook. Most of them are friends or family that I have known most of my adult life. The sad thing is I have nothing in common with the majority of them. I'm progressive liberal. I believe all Americans are equal. Equality is not subjective. Gay, straight, no matter your color, no matter your religion or lack of, gender should not matter, political affiliation, rich,middle class or poor nor should your age be a deciding factor. I could not even begin to tell you all what their conservative beliefs entail but I know a few things tho.  Why has education, especially Science, become a taboo subject? It is fine to have religious beliefs but remember that being religious does not preclude knowledge. Knowledge not religion has allowed cancer treatments that work, man to enter the space age and the United States of America to achieve the title "greatest country" and much much more. I listen to family tell me they believe Bill O'Reilly over Stephen Hawking when it comes to Science... I cringe. The same people who say they love me don't believe I deserve the same rights they have unless I live my life as a lie. Marry as long as it's the opposite sex, no public displays of affection and I guess since the military is accepting  those damn gays now straight enlistment will go down so that won't matter so much now. In a way it's like when the military desegregated.... all the whites left only blacks left to serve. Now the military will only be gay and lesbian blacks.... yeah right. I try not to think I'm related and am friends with a bunch of bigots. But maybe there are more bigots than I thought.

When does "normal" come back into play?

 I'm in the place that I hate most again - meds seem to be working  but the overwhelming want of death is there. How does a person feel happy, good about life but still want it all to end. It freezes me, the inertia makes me scream in my head and wish to scream in life. If others feel this way they hide it well or maybe I'm just too tired to hide it. 
I hate. 
I'm exhausted. 
I just don't know what to do.
I want death but I fear it.
I wish someone would save me.
Give me the answers.
I know this type of talk frightens most people but I am desperate. I don't want to continue. 
Time.
Give it, take it, waste it, need it.
I'm so tired.

I Don't Belong Here

Who we are is so important and when someone famous says they have a mental illness it truly helps remove some of the stigma for the rest of us. This highlights just a few of those brave people and also lets you know that not everyone survives. Mental Illness is cruel in more than one way.