19 December 2015

Heather McManamy

A 36-year-old woman who recently passed away from metastatic cancer did something a lot of people do: she wrote a heartfelt goodbye to her loved ones, along with some instructions for how to help her young daughter cope. It’s the refreshingly honest and beautiful things she said in that letter that are taking the internet by surprise.

Hello all,
I am posting this on behalf of the love of my life. These are her words. Much love to all.

Jeff McManamy
So…I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, apparently, I’m dead. Good news, if you’re reading this, is that you are most definitely not (unless they have wifi in the afterlife). Yes, this sucks. It sucks beyond words, but I’m just so damn glad I lived a life so full of love, joy and amazing friends. I am lucky to honestly say that I have zero regrets and I spent every ounce of energy I had living life to the fullest. I love you all and thank you for this awesome life.
Whatever religion brings you comfort, I am happy that you have that. However, respect that we are not religious. Please, please, please do not tell Brianna that I am in heaven. In her mind, that means that I chose to be somewhere else and left her. In reality, I did everything I could to be here with her, as there is nowhere, NOWHERE, I would rather be than with her and Jeff. Please don’t confuse her and let her think for one second that is not true. Because, I am not in heaven. I’m here. But no longer in the crappy body that turned against me. My energy, my love, my laughter, those incredible memories, it’s all here with you. Please don’t think of me with pity or sadness. Smile, knowing that we had a blast together and that time was AMAZING. I fucking hate making people sad. More than anything, I love making people laugh and smile, so please, rather than dwelling on the tragic Terms of Endearment end of my story, laugh at the memories we made and the fun we had. Please tell Brianna stories, so she knows how much I love her and how proud of her I will always be (and make me sound waaay cooler than I am). Because I love nothing more than being her mommy. Nothing. Every moment with her was a happiness I couldn’t even imagine until she came crashing into our world.
And don’t say I lost to cancer. Because cancer may have taken almost everything from me, but it never took my love or my hope or my joy. It wasn’t a “battle” it was just life, which is often brutally random and unfair, and that’s simply how it goes sometimes. I didn’t lose, dammit. The way I lived for years with cancer is something I consider a pretty big victory. Please remember that.
Most importantly, I was unbelievably lucky to spend over a decade with the love of my life and my best friend, Jeff. True love and soulmates do exist. Every day was full of hilarity and love with Jeff by my side. He is genuinely the best husband in the universe. Through all my cancer crap, he never wavered when so many people would want to run. Even on the worst days you could imagine, we found a way to laugh together. I love him more than life itself and I truly believe that a love like that is so special it will live forever. Time is the most precious thing in this world and to have shared my life for so long with Jeff is something I am incredibly grateful for. I love you, Jeff. I believe that the awesomeness that is Brianna is our love brought to life, which is pretty beautiful. It absolutely breaks my heart to have to say goodbye. If it’s half as sad for you as it is for me, it breaks my heart over again because the last thing I ever want to do is make you sad. I hope that with time, you can think of me and smile and laugh, because, holy shit did we have a breathtaking life. Go google Physicist’s Eulogy and know that it is a scientific fact I will always be with you both in some way. I know that if you just stop and look hard enough, I’ll be with there (in as non-creepy a way possible). You’re my world and I loved every second we had together more than words.
Friends, I love you all and thank you for the most wonderfully awe-inspiring life. And thank you to all of my amazing doctors and nurses who have taken such incredible care of me. I don’t doubt that my team gave me every possible good day that they could. From the bottom of my heart, I wish all my friends long, healthy lives and I hope you can experience the same appreciation for the gift of each day that I did. If you go to my funeral, please run up a bar tab that would make me proud. Heck, blast “Keg on My Coffin” and dance on the bar for me (because there had better be a dance party at some point). Celebrate the beauty of life with a kickass party because you know that’s what I want and I believe that in a weird way, I will find a way to be there too (you know how much I hate missing out on fun). I look forward to haunting each one of you, so this isn’t so much a goodbye as it is see you later Please do me a favor and take a few minutes each day to acknowledge the fragile adventure that is this crazy life. Don’t ever forget: every day matters.

09 December 2015

O Come All Ye F@ithless

Repost from my FaceBook

In case you have not noticed I have changed my cover photo. “’O Come All Ye F@ithless’ Join Us In Reason This Season” this is a counter to all the xenophobic paranoid rantings I'm reading on FB. 
The majority of the posters and my friends on here attribute themselves to be Christians (of some type)and they also tend to be the ones calling for walls, border closings and deportations of refugees and, in some cases, American citizens. Here, in The United States of America, we are a melting pot. This country is an amalgamation of nationalities, cultures and ethnicities with the inclusion of religion being a part of our Constitutional protections. "Whereas the First Amendment secures the free exercise of religion, section one of the Fourteenth Amendment prohibits discrimination, including on the basis of religion, by securing "the equal protection of the laws" for every person."(1) No one in this country should live in fear because of difference of religion or any other characteristic. How is it the seeming majority are allowing the minority to guide our decisions as to who is “good” and who is “bad”? We are falling back into a time of fear and hatred guiding our decisions. To speak of rounding up one group to keep another safe is ludicrous. It wasn't just Nazis collecting the Jews, homosexuals, political dissidents, et al. during WWII and putting them in internment camps; the United States rounded up Japanese-Americans AND German-Americans as well. Do we, as a nation, want to travel that road again? Must we let fear and paranoia lead our actions? 
Now back to the attribution of Christianity. Your Christ accepted NOT excepted everyone.
Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring glory to God.”
Matthew 7:1-2 1"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.…”
Matthew 25:40 "And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'
Practice what (you say) you and your God preach.
Muslims and Muslim-Americans are not the enemy. The fear and hatred that is being stirred up against an entire population by ISIS/ISIL, Donald Trump and the small-minded xenophobic bigots is wrong and they are the enemy and the true terrorists. We, the American people, must stand against this type of behavior all it does is divide us and make the enemy stronger. And while it may seem difficult to discern who the radicals are we must have faith in our government to do right by us, as a nation, and keep us safe while keeping our freedoms in tact. All our of freedoms are for all of our people.


04 December 2015

feeling frustrated

***From my post on Facebook***

feeling frustrated.
I know that most of my "friends" on Facebook don't even view my posts and I'm sure the rest of you are fed up with my activist postings, especially the current gun related ones, but I will keep posting away in hopes of getting one of you to really think about other issues and especially the alternative to more guns.
Three incidents in one week.
Where is the outrage? Where is the want for change? Where is the belief that you can help slow the rise of this tide(maybe even be a catalyst to stop it)? You can do so much more than cry about people wanting to take your guns. BTW no one but the NRA and their lackeys only ever mention THAT.
Write to your local paper, write a blog, post an opinion on FB, write to your government officials. Let them know you are a responsible gun owner who sees the need for appropriate gun legislation. Take a moment to look over some of my posts from the last few days and tell me that arming everyone is the only solution to this violence. Give solid reasoning because the dreck that comes from the Right after every gun-related tragedy just isn't holding water any longer. The 2nd Amendment was written at a time when we did not have an organized military - "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." and also allows for the people to have guns - keep in mind the type of gun that was available at the time this was written. 
I read that people are tired of the tragic news reports so they turn off the news. Turning it off does not make it go away and it definitely will not make things better. Change is what will work and change can only be brought about thru you. Thru all of us. Gun safety is not relinquishing your guns. Gun safety is universal and thorough background checks, professional instruction that leads to government licensing (just like your drivers license), mandatory gun safes and gun owners taking responsibility for unsecured guns. If you have better ideas please post them or even better write your Congressperson as well.
Well that is my tirade for the day and if even one person read this I'll feel a bit better about humanity. Peace out.

11 November 2015

My Experience is Real to Me

***I wrote this in a desperate state - when I truly believed I was going to commit suicide - I was tired - I still am but new meds and hospitalization are helping me hold on.***

I'll be leaving soon. 
I know there are those who are worse off than me - mentally, physically. 
I'm just tired of all of it and for me that is worse. 
For me, in my own experience, that is what matters. 
The fear of messing up stops me cold. No one wants to be a zombie.
The idea of 'the end' and no more pain, any kind of pain, would be nice.
Short list: bipolar, bipolar depression, gerd, ibs, peripheral neuropathy, crying,  
constant nausea, vomiting, headaches, diarrhea,  fatigue, body aches, suicidal ideationbleeding from bellybutton,  emptiness, dry heaves, sadness, self-hatred, ...

I'm tired 

25 October 2015

If we are all not free, then how are we brave?

Liberty raises her arm lighting the way for Freedom, wanting to call out but knowing all men are still not equal. Right now there is an illusion of Equality and Freedom in this country. Selfish pride blocks the way for all, although it is created by few. The largest blockade was color and then religion because we can see the color of skin and people see where you do or don't worship. Sexuality has been a tricky one but the ones who were different, those not straight, kept themselves separate, raised the walls of protection until that protection caged them in. And what is the real problem anyway? Fear of love. The love that you have for another making you feel wrong instead of free. How does that harm? Perhaps how some feel less in the face of it - diminished. Or perhaps that others love is more genuine - that if people who they deem "lesser" have something that they themselves cannot attain they need to right it no matter what it takes. Even by taking others rights from them. By making the minority suffer indignities for their perceived flaws.

 The bigots are hedging their bets because Ignorance is the banner they wave and it is actually quite easy to rally those troops. Fear of anyone different - whether color, religion, politics, illness, sexuality or even intelligence - drives the fear that they perceive as bravery.

24 October 2015

Please Stop with your Passive/Aggressive attitude

What is your problem with me? I know there is one (or a combination) as you have expressed issue with a litany of what makes up my life without directly judging me. Being gay(I may have said lesbian but it's actually bisexual - tired of people thinking I'm always up for a 3 way), Liberal/Democrat, Atheist,  I understand Evolution is Science (contrary to what the religious may think) and my being Bipolar is a real illness, a mental illness.

Hate the sin, love the sinner. Umm, no thank you. I'm not a sinner. I love how you love just different persons.

Liberal/Democrat - I walk the walk - Love thy neighbor as thyself - sort of like the Jesus you profess to follow.

Here are a few tidbits for you to mull over. Being Atheist does not mean I hate or don't celebrate Christmas. In fact I have celebrated secular Christmas my whole life. The co-opted Pagan symbols, the Christian songs and secular Santa Claus and gifts all make up my Christmas and, I'm sure, yours as well. If you plan on not giving me a gift that's fine but to not do it after years of giving me a gift so that it is awkward to my family - that's just rude. With that said giving me a token, cheap gift is just rude and embarrassing on your behalf.
Then comes the piece de resistance - the handwritten thank you note, listing all the gifts received (whether for Xmas or birthdays), and addressed only to my Mother. It's a joy knowing you're raising your children in the same tactless way you live.

Evolution is Reason. Evolution is Science.
Creationism is Religion NOT Science.

Bipolar does not discern but I try to. I stay away from people when I am depressed. My depression flips rapidly to anger - something only a few people have been privy too and they haven't enjoyed. My longest stretch of not bathing has been 2 weeks. And 20 hrs in bed during a 24 hour cycle is the icing on the cake to self-loathing. These are not things I'm proud of but when you are depressed for months on end and the other side of the coin is being happy but at the price of self-destruction… I tend to be choosey about who I surround myself with. My Bipolar tends to make me sensitive in my other aspects of life, so if life's cruelties don't roll right off my back… well pardon me

23 October 2015

"A" is for Abortion and Arbitrary and Asinine

Question for today: isn't it kinda interesting that everyone that was ever in favor of abortion was at one time a fetus?... 

(A question posed by a friend on Facebook)

It's also kind of interesting that not every abortion is because "some dumb bimbo didn't use birth control and now has to 'fix' her mistake". 
Abortions happen for many reasons but the most important one is because it's a personal decision made by the woman, whose body it is, and her doctor. 
Girls as young as 11(and in some cases younger) are victims of rape/incest and become pregnant, babies form only a brain stem and no brain, some have severe birth defects that would allow the baby to live for minutes after birth, babies die in utero and for whatever reason are not naturally aborted, sometimes the life of the mother is at stake, sometimes a woman is raped (sometimes gang raped) but whatever the situation it is the woman's choice. It is the woman's choice not a politician, not a religious institution, not a parent/spouse/relative, not a group of concerned persons fighting for the right of the unborn and most definitely not anyone who is not the pregnant woman or her doctor. 
A medically sound decision made by the woman and her doctor is the only intelligent and viable decision.

[EXCERPT] "Numerous examples of lethal fetal anomalies detected after 20 weeks include, but are not limited to:
  • anencephaly, which is a lethal fetal anomaly characterized by the absence of the brain and cranium above the base of the skull, leading to death before or shortly after birth
  • renal agenesis, where the kidneys fail to materialize, leading to death before or shortly after birth
  • limb-body wall complex, where the organs develop outside of the body cavity
  • neural tube defects such as encephalocele (the protrusion of brain tissue through an opening in the skull), and severe hydrocephaly (severe accumulation of excessive fluid within the brain)
  • meningomyelocele, which is an opening in the vertebrae through which the meningeal sac may protrude
  • caudal regression syndrome, a structural defect of the lower spine leading to neurological impairment and incontinence
  • lethal skeletal dysplasias, where spinal and limb growth are grossly impaired leading to stillbirths, premature birth, and often death shortly after birth, often from respiratory failure
For many families who have never dealt with the trauma of fetal anomalies, it may seem difficult to understand why third term abortions are necessary. But when abortion care is restricted at 20 weeks, women are often forced to carry nonviable fetuses, often to term. In the case of lethal fetal anomalies, this requirement means countless appointments, treatments, tests, and conversations about the imminent death of their fetus, inflicting preventable trauma on families who want to carry a healthy fetus to term."

Science Progress | Where science, technology, and progressive policy meet


Fetal Anomalies, Undue Burdens, and 20-week Abortion Bans

A mere speck nestled in the eye of a needle, a five-day-old embryo (photographed using an electron microscope) contains controversial stem cells.

Photograph by Yorgos Nikas, M.D.

4 out of 5 dentists approve

There are few things in life that upset me. One of those things happens to be Creationism. Well, actually, the people who promote it as correct and true. How anyone in todays modern world could possibly believe that the Earth is only six thousand years old, that man walked with dinosaurs and the bible is an accurate source for historical and scientific information? Using religion to prove or disprove anything is a dangerous road. Especially if you are unwilling to look at any evidence beyond "God did it"