12 December 2011

Merry Book-mas

This is my idea 
of a happy holiday. 

06 December 2011

stupid freaking bipolar

Starting to crap out again. As much as I hate the hospital I'm thinking I might have to check myself in after the holidays - I prefer not to go in now - crossing fingers on that one. Stupid freaking Bipolar.

23 November 2011

Borrowed from FaceBook(again)

And now I must rant (this is the same reason most of my friends turn off my feed)
I hear people on the TV saying "buy American, shop local" and I sit here and wonder how easy it is to do. Since the advent of Wal-Mart and other massive chain and big box stores Main Street,USA is all but shuttered. I know I'm lucky to live in a smaller town where they are really trying to bring small business to the forefront. The sad part of this is some of the local businesses sell items similar to what you can buy in Wal-Mart but they have to sell at a higher price. Why? you ask. Wal-Mart (and others like them) are able to buy in much larger quantities - and they aren't just buying for your town they get HUGE discounts because they buy for ALL their stores. Wal-Mart is also big on knock-offs. Why pay $100 or more for boots that you can get for $12? The $100+ boots are made in the USA & good quality. The $12 are made in China & are ok quality. Sure you can buy more stuff if you buy the $12 but (this is my view) the $100+ boots will last more than 1 season AND put money back into the complete USA economy - and pay American workers a living wage. My boots have a larger and more lasting impact on America, small businesses and American workers.
That's Part 1 - I will return with more you can ignore at a later date.

17 November 2011

wake up, you're next

At what point do you take responsibility for your inactions and bullshit thought process? When will you realize change occurs through you? Are you the 1%? And if not why do you not identify as part of the 99%?

25 October 2011


I'm so lonely. I have no friends - not anymore - not in a long time. I miss having a life. I'm a prisoner and I don't know what I did wrong. What did I do to deserve this? I just want to cry. I could talk to my Dad but he's gone now. I feel so sick all the time and so, so tired. fuck it. What an absolutely extravagant pity party.

17 October 2011

Do You Hear The People Sing?

I believe in Occupy Wall Street. I AM the 99%, as are most of my family and friends and we don't need to sit down and shut up anymore. This is not just a New York thing nor even an American thing - this is global. There are too many people "just getting by" and even more who are not lucky enough to even do that. The world needs a wake up call and this is it. There have been revolutions that changed the course of a nation - THIS is a revolution (and a peaceful one at that) that will change the course of the world. "Do You Hear the People Sing?"

13 October 2011

Read, Reader, Reading

I think I'm pretty lucky. My parents read to me as a child. We had LOTS of books. My parents read a lot too - Newspapers, National Geographic, Reader's Digest, Books running a gamut of topics. My love for books and reading stemmed from this. About 2 years ago they were collecting books for the wounded/recovering soldiers at Camp LeJeune I donated about 200 of my own books - hardcover mostly. I felt like I was giving away my children but I knew it was for a good cause. I had read all of them and some several times. Knowing that others will gain some joy/escape makes me happy.

12 October 2011

Who Needs Hell When You've Got Life

Well this is what I've got so far:  

As an Atheist I'm angry(always), bitter, not capable of happiness, non joie de vivre, in times of desperation will fall back(or is it crawl back?) to god and religion and am incapable of any true positive emotions.

Now on the other hand - any Christians(those who are saved in particular)are the complete and total opposite except for desperation; they're always asking god for help which is a sign of strength not desperation.

Let's go back to me for a moment. When I give closer scrutiny to those glowing sentiments about Atheists I realize that a few are wrong - utterly and completely. I actually think I'm quite capable of happiness, as much as anyone living in the world today. I would have to say any anger and bitterness that I might exude comes not from my lack of religion but from tiring year after year of mental illness. Bipolar is not all the fun it portrays itself as. In my most desperate hours, since my de-conversion, I have never once thought "Oh damn things really suck, I bet if I still believed in God It wouldn't be like this!" followed quickly by "Gee I think I will believe in God again!" - At this point please cue the rainbow shitting unicorns.

Having dependence on a make-believe god doesn't make a person more or less stronger than one who doesn't. I venture to say that to live life on your own terms, without the benefit of a placebo, allows you the edge on strength not desperation. 

03 October 2011

I get my best stuff from my FB page

Here we go again another quaint tale from my FaceBook page.....

When you say... "I may not agree with a homosexual lifestyle but that doesn't mean that I think gays are second class citizens & I would never force my religious views on anyone." but basically in the same breath say... "... It just means that they believe that God intended sex to be between a man and a woman, as well as the covenant of marriage. I do support Civil Unions however. That is just what I personally believe..." By saying this you ARE forcing your religious views on others - not everyone is a christian and marriage is not solely a christian tradition (a marriage license is issued by the gov't, many ceremonies are not christian and lastly this is not a christian nation) Also there is no such thing as a "homosexual lifestyle". I do not know many people that would choose a life of degradation, shunning by family, fear of violence from ignorant bigots and reduction to 2nd class status. No one chooses to be gay. You are born that way - it is genetics and wiring in the brain. People who are bigots actually choose(or in some cases had it chosen for them) that "lifestyle". Bigotry is not inherent. It stems from indoctrination and can be changed thru education. Big difference. In fact if homosexuality was a choice there would be no gays - partly from indoctrination by straight parents and fear of being ostracized by society. Homosexuality is found in well over 450 species but homophobia is only found in one -humans. One other trait is found in humans - cherrypicking.

19 September 2011

Little Bits of Me

There are times I have felt parts of me have been left behind like a breadcrumb trail. They are just there - a tribute to nothing, signposts that signify even less. I'm sad again. What else is new. That is the only constant. Funny thing is the 1st feelings I remember are only happy ones. Happy feelings followed by a barrage of crappy ones. Anger, sadness, just basic unhappiness. But why? Is the answer more breadcrumbs?

110 friends on Facebook

I have 110 friends on Facebook. Most of them are friends or family that I have known most of my adult life. The sad thing is I have nothing in common with the majority of them. I'm progressive liberal. I believe all Americans are equal. Equality is not subjective. Gay, straight, no matter your color, no matter your religion or lack of, gender should not matter, political affiliation, rich,middle class or poor nor should your age be a deciding factor. I could not even begin to tell you all what their conservative beliefs entail but I know a few things tho.  Why has education, especially Science, become a taboo subject? It is fine to have religious beliefs but remember that being religious does not preclude knowledge. Knowledge not religion has allowed cancer treatments that work, man to enter the space age and the United States of America to achieve the title "greatest country" and much much more. I listen to family tell me they believe Bill O'Reilly over Stephen Hawking when it comes to Science... I cringe. The same people who say they love me don't believe I deserve the same rights they have unless I live my life as a lie. Marry as long as it's the opposite sex, no public displays of affection and I guess since the military is accepting  those damn gays now straight enlistment will go down so that won't matter so much now. In a way it's like when the military desegregated.... all the whites left only blacks left to serve. Now the military will only be gay and lesbian blacks.... yeah right. I try not to think I'm related and am friends with a bunch of bigots. But maybe there are more bigots than I thought.

13 September 2011

When does "normal" come back into play?

 I'm in the place that I hate most again - meds seem to be working  but the overwhelming want of death is there. How does a person feel happy, good about life but still want it all to end. It freezes me, the inertia makes me scream in my head and wish to scream in life. If others feel this way they hide it well or maybe I'm just too tired to hide it. 
I hate. 
I'm exhausted. 
I just don't know what to do.
I want death but I fear it.
I wish someone would save me.
Give me the answers.
I know this type of talk frightens most people but I am desperate. I don't want to continue. 
Give it, take it, waste it, need it.
I'm so tired.

04 September 2011

I Don't Belong Here

Who we are is so important and when someone famous says they have a mental illness it truly helps remove some of the stigma for the rest of us. This highlights just a few of those brave people and also lets you know that not everyone survives. Mental Illness is cruel in more than one way.

11 August 2011

Here's Where It Gets Messy

“Do not presume, well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed, to criticize the poor”
 - Herman Melville

You are disabled. $950.00 per month that is what you are to live on. No part-time job or side-job to help out. You are eligible for Medicare but not Medicaid - you make too much to qualify. Medicare is better than nothing but you are responsible for the difference after Medicare declares what they will pay.  No supplemental insurance available at a reasonable price because you are not a senior citizen. Medicare Part D does help with your meds... some. Generics no problem. Name brand is a little iffy. Most times 'step-therapy' allows you the name-brand drug you need but sometimes you need a note from your doctor saying no other drug has worked for you. The best part is the following year you may have to switch insurance companies and you go thru the whole process again.(Difficult for physically disabled - a nightmare for  mentally ill disabled) Your choice for housing is simple - Section 8 (subsidized by the government) or live with a relative or friend. 

I'm 42 and I live with my Mom. I'm BiPolar. The longest I've held down a full time job was about 2 years. The last time I held a job was 2000. The last time I was hospitalized was 2011. The longest I was hospitalized was 6 months - that was 1994-95. That was a private hospital and then a state hospital once my insurance ran out.

12 July 2011

I just sent this to Sen. Burr & Rep. Jones (R) of NC:

I am on disability and receive about $900 a month. If I do not get my check it will be more than a little bit of an inconvenience  for me as I have doctor bills to pay, medication to buy, food I would like to buy and eat in order to survive and rent to pay so as to keep a roof over my head. As it is I just make it month to month. I hope you can find the room in your overpaid, well-insured heart to think for a moment about the people of North Carolina who depend on their Social Security to survive.
I'm curious as to if you will be supplying room and board to those of your constituents who end up in collection, foreclosure and/or out on the street due to your "compassionate conservatism".  Stop trying to embarrass the President and do the job you are paid to do - represent ALL the people of North Carolina not just the corporations and your interests..

Thank you for your time.

25 June 2011

Sometimes 6th place is impressive too

New York State became the 6th state to legalize gay marriage on Friday 24 June 2011. 
Gay Rights are Human Rights
Human Rights are Equal Rights

19 June 2011

What Soap Is For The Body...

The affects that mental illness, specifically bipolar, have on us. My dealings have spanned almost 3 decades starting in high school and ending in disability. Untold doctors, meds and hospitalizations have littered my life along with loss of jobs, friends and family. This is not an easy life. It is painful. And sad. While there are good times as well I would not wish this on anyone.

05 June 2011

Medusa's Ugly Head

I wish it were that simple. If I could look at my reflection and turn to stone. Of course it would be my luck to spend eternity still thinking(obsessing) in my head about why I'm so messed up. The flip side of my Bipolar is smiling thru all the tears.

An Atheist Who Quotes the Bible More Than X-tians Do

Click to Enlarge.

25 May 2011

When Did You Choose... ?

Are there choices in life? Why is there hate & intolerance towards people who have no choice? Why when there is a choice do we tend to act as tho there is none? What do you choose?

20 May 2011


is thicker than 

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are so confident while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell

What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. - Margaret Mead

what causes cruelty and what allows it to perpetuate?

“All cruelty springs from hard-heartedness and weakness.” - Seneca

why are some thrown to the wolves and then resented for surviving?

Why don't you like me?

17 May 2011

Living?, A Living?, A Living Wage? part II

I started out in one place and ended up in a completely different one.
Who knew this went full circle for me.

I think to understand WHY people are opposed to "social programs" one must understand the mindset.

"No one ever helped me so please explain the purpose of helping lazy fakers."

Which leads to...

1. These people are lazy fakers ie. they would rather be on the dole than earn an honest dollar.

2. These so-called unemployed are too picky or are not looking hard enough.

3. Mentally disabled persons. (insert unbelieving snort here) Depression everyone gets depressed. These   'mentally ill' people need to suck it up, put on their big-girl panties and quit faking.

4. Physically disabled persons healed awhile back but are used to the cushy life - beer, chips and soaps.

Whereas in reality...

1. While this is true in some cases it is not true in all. Sweeping generalizations can be dangerous.

2. One example: My own father, white collar bank auditor, was out of work for 3 years during which time we almost lost our home, I had to leave college and my mom took a job in a hospital cleaning OR's(have you ever cleaned an OR after a hip replacement?). My dad applied to drive school buses(turned down) and applied to refuel planes at our local airport ($5/hr)(accepted)and finally applied for and got a job back in the white collar field(corporate account reconciliations). Oh yeah at half his original salary. He sure was picky.

3. Let's see where does one start. Everyone should spend at least one week in a state run mental hospital - talk about F.U.N. Try a cocktail of psychiatric drugs - one anti-depressant does not cut it. You can keep the big-girl panties as long as there are no strings - same goes for your shoes (This is the abbreviated version - I have a l...o...n...g version I will post later.)

4. If you think this is fun and cushy you haven't tried it for more than a week all the while dodging accusations of fraud. Then again I don't know many disabled people who can mix alcohol with their pain pills.

16 May 2011

21 May 2011 - The Rapture?

Should we accept open arms? Stick our head in the sand? Or continue life as usual? Why do people take solace in the inane?(or is it insane?) Why is there fear of death yet people grasp for this type of death cult with open arms? One only need to see the reactions the day after to glimpse the psychosis attached to this 'belief' system and to realize how gullible people are.

Rapture Ready from Lumax Grillo on Vimeo.

How I Got Where I Am

I posted this on the IIDB now FRDB in 2008. I think it puts things in perspective.

I just want to officially introduce myself. Hi I'm lumax. As you can see i've been hanging out for a bit(mainly in games subforum but other forums too) trying to see if I liked it here and if my thoughts and opinions fit here. I think they do. When I first found this site(thru a link at FSTDT) I identified myself as Agnostic, now as Atheist. Back in February I was still grasping at the straws that were God in part because I didn't want to disappoint my parents(I was raised Roman Catholic). When I made the realization that I did not and could not believe in God I felt a weight had been removed. A combination of personal experience threads and continual repetition of “The God Delusion” in other threads brought me to Amazon.com where I purchased not only said book but also Letter To A Christian Nation and Everything You Know About God Is Wrong. I have had 6 more books delivered since and hid my credit card. The point I guess I'm trying to make is that this was not a frivolous decision. This was something I've struggled with since I was 13. I'm 39 now. For the longest time I thought which religion I practiced might be the issue and I went thru a bunch of different ones(Christian + Pagan) and never seemed to find the right fit. Then I concluded that it was dogma and tradition - Jesus was a Jew should not Christians actually be Jews as well? This was about the time I moved to North Carolina - where everyone is a Christian(at least in my town). Because my family was identified as Catholics we have been the focus of conversion by many of the Born Again Evangelicals in our neighborhood. I have a friend who is one of the above(she has never actively tried to convert us) but we have many other things in common one of which is heated debate. So for almost a year we have been discussing religion, in person and via email. Mainly Christianity but also Judaism as it relates to OT. I should clarify she is an Old Earth Creationist and Biblical literalist. Unbeknownst to her it was actually her arguments and my research to counter them that brought me to the brink. Which was when I found you and lost any delusion of god I may have had. Thank you.

*I need to clarify a few things... it turns out my "friend" was trying to convert me. How do I know? The big tell was that when I told her she said it changed nothing and we would remain friends but then she cut herself off from me completely - my parents as well. In fact even her children stayed away until my Dad died - go figure. Second I do not believe in an historical Jesus. The Jesus of the bible,IMO, is more a conglomeration of older myths possibly mixed with an actual Rabbi who may or may not have lived during said time period.
There are other posts earlier and later here that flesh this out better and I continually evolve in my thinking to try and make myself better understood. At least I hope so.

08 May 2011

It's the end of the world as we know it and I FEEL FINE

REM said it perhaps not 1st but definitely with a toe tapping beat. There is talk, heated debate and sheer panic over "THE END". It's always nice to have a starting point or in this case an ending point and surprisingly we have more than a few. I will start us off with just some years. 1843/4, 1914, 1918, 1925, 1942, 1975, 1981, 

1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 2011 and 2060. These are just Christian-based Rapture predictions. There are more from other cultures and religions. 
The current date(s) in contention are: 
 21 May 2011 - Christian Rapture. 
 21 October 2011 - End of the World.
There are billboards, print ads, vehicles covered in warnings, websites, tracts, radio broadcasts, YouTube videos - basically an anything goes campaign to get the "Word" out. With the beginning of the end starting 13 days from today I find it interesting that  the main promotors of this date: Family Radio & EBibleFellowship are still hawking products and requesting donations(not just one time but long-term giving as well). "Christian preacher Harold Camping believes that the Rapture (in Christian belief, the taking up into heaven of God's elect people) will take place on May 212011 and that the end of the world as we know it will take place five months later on October 212011. These predictions were made by Camping, president of the Family Radio Christian network, who claims the Bible as his source.
Camping's writings that detail the timing of the end include:

  • Book
    • 1994? (1992 - predicts the End Times for September 4, 1994)
    • Time Has An End (2005 - discusses Camping's belief that 2011 is in all likelihood the end of the world)

 Jesus himself said in Matthew 24:36, 'Of that day and hour knows no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my father only.'" - Wikipedia 

Camping is on his 2nd attempt at End Times Prediction - 1994 was his 1st strike. It will be interesting to see his backtalk on the current date.

07 May 2011

A Living Wage, A Living, Living

What do you define as a living wage? Is it just being able to afford the basics and maybe if you're lucky and you scrimp and save you can treat yourself with a new t.v. or computer? Do you deserve health coverage? A decent car? Name brand instead of knock-offs? A vermin free home in a safe neighborhood? Who makes the decision of what you or I deserve?  Why should I be required to take a drug test to receive Welfare, Food Stamps, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security or Disability? When it is not required for the doctors, nurses, politicians, bankers, 1st responders, teachers, manufacturers, et. al. How do you manage to survive on $50k, $75k, $100k, $250k, half a million, one million or more? I have to survive on a little over $11k. I fight with the private insurance that is supposed to make  Medicare Part D easier and more user friendly. Every year I get switched to a new company with "better rates" Then I need to go thru "step therapy" for the drugs they prefer not to pay full price for - just to see if a generic will do the job(if they didn't last year I doubt very much they will this year) Sometimes a faxed letter from the doctor will help - sometimes. 
I'm on disability because I'm diagnosed as Bipolar(until you have actually had to live with it you really have no opinion.) I live with my Mom because I have no wish to live in Section 8 Housing without use of a car or public transportation. You use CARTS and tell me how convenient it is - especially after your appointment runs late and they leave you there.
 If you think I have a free ride think again. I worked for years: food service, retail, education and various other jobs always trying to maintain a degree of "I'm as together as you". I struggled to get a 4 year degree in about 10 yrs. I've been hospitalized more times than I can count for my Bipolar - plus two really good sized ones: 4 months and 6 months respectively. A week on a psych ward is bad enough - let's see you do 6 months in a state psychiatric hospital - 24 hour lockdown, no going outside or open windows(no fresh air), no visitors or very few (most people do not return after the 1st visit - even in a private hospital) - posting tho incomplete more later

04 May 2011

Cousins - common ancestor

I was informed today, by an acquaintance using almost the exact same phrasing(surprisingly or maybe not so)as another acquaintance from about 5 yrs ago that when it comes to man evolution just doesn't make sense. The way man is .... it is just too perfect for 'this' to have all occurred randomly...... "Only God could have created all this." I get headaches from these conversations. The evolution information came from the History Channel and the person felt it left alot unsaid and that the bible had more complete answers. This person, like the one from 5 years ago, found it very difficult to read the science due to a myriad of excuses. Not exclusive to: "not liking reading", not having an understanding of the basic science but unwilling to make the effort to find someone to explain it or find less advanced texts, unwilling to accept scientific fact as fact(specifically peer-reviewed research), they think it is laughable that we are descended from monkeys(we are not - we share a common ancestor) and what frightens me most is they feel even exploring the issue is detrimental to the delicate balance of their entire belief system. I may be an Atheist but I respect the many numbers of religious scientists and lay people that have found a balance in God-driven evolution.

02 May 2011

Who the hell is Demi Lovato? Part 2

"This Is Not Your Everyday Depression"

(A Letter to My Mom - April 30th)

Antidepressants(psychiatric meds)  do not work the way aspirin does…. take a pill and poof problem solved.  1st let me say sometimes there is no "right" pill.  I started out with Tofranil  at 14  and now, at 42, I'm seeing results with Pristiq - 28 yrs (if aspirin worked like this we would all be in trouble). My depression, my illness(bipolar), is different from others with the same diagnosis. That is why my drugs, my treatment, are different. Think of it this way  - Daddy had Bladder cancer, P* had Breast cancer,  S* had Prostrate cancer. All cancer but different types so different treatments.  Now look at the Bipolar: D*,  T* & S*, my friends L* & H* and myself. All either Bipolar I or Bipolar II (your brothers both undiagnosed & untreated professionally but as they say if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….)D*, L* and me: all medicated but all very different medicinal regimes. T*, S* and H* all unmedicated but H* is diagnosed and chooses not to take the drugs. I have been on over 20 different drugs since 1st diagnosed. Some worked and continue to work(Lithium), some worked then stopped working(Tofranil, Zoloft, Trazodone), some work at certain a dose but throw me into hell at slightly different doses(Zoloft, Lamictal) and some just put me in hell(Abilify). With all these drugs I must take into account: what I eat, what I drink and how much, environmental factors(more of a problem in NC than CT), physical illness, other drugs, when I had all my female baggage my menstrual cycle played a HUGE part - this is the short list. My moods change like the wind - I know that and I do try  keep a handle on it but sometimes NOT possible - I really do DO my best. After more than 2(actually more like 4) years I have clarity in my brain. The heavy, hot, wet blanket of depression has lifted almost completely. I actually want to go out although I still have days I would rather contemplate all the ways to kill myself.---------I must interject here I just realized how much I have written and it amazes me mainly because it is not an angry diatribe. These are clear thoughts from a clear mind. ------- Back to business. Mom, I will never be cured. Never. I will have ups & downs. It will hopefully never get as bad as these past few years again but I can't say never to this either. I do my best. I trudge along. I get frustrated because people don't get "it". There is no "pushing  thru it" for me, no "forcing myself". I do my best. Sometimes to some my best seems like I'm not trying. I swear I am - more than anyone can imagine. Right now I'm trying but I must wait on these meds  to see if they will work. I know they seem like they are but at 100mg I'm so manic - it's like a carnival on acid in my brain but a really clear one. I really hope at 50mg (the only other choice for this drug) I retain the clarity without the crazy mania. Without the slide back into depression.
call it what you will but it still amounts to no control - a desire - a crapshoot.

28 April 2011

happy birthday to me

So I'm 42. Wow. Not really too impressed with where I'm at. I would have never guessed I would be here. In NC. Far from CT, NYC & Cape Cod. 

25 April 2011

What's in a name?

Bipolar                                                                          Manic-Depression

One is short and concise.                                                 The other long and descriptive.  

Neither means much to the layman. the untouched. the normal. But to those of us who struggle with. deal with. exist with. this illness. this albatross. this burden. it means more than you can begin to imagine. 

Alienation from family. Loss of friends. Gaps in careers/jobs. Extended absences from school. Unfinished plans. Impulsive behavior. shopping. sex. drinking. trips. creativity. lack of hygiene. euphoria. despair/depression. suicide. medication.

Bipolar                                                                                                                    Manic-Depression

Two words that mean the same  but give two very different impressions.

21 April 2011

Who the hell is Demi Lovato?

(This is from a comment I made on a thread concerning Demi Lovato where people were commenting that this was a way for her to get her name in the news  
 "who cares what her reason to come out was. It is the fact that she is helping to remove the stigma that comes with mental illness. It is a stigma that I have lived with for over 26 years and it was only private until the 1st person noticed(and rudely commented) on my tremor from lithium or when I was hospitalized for 4 months at the end of my senior year, etc. etc. the list goes on. So GREAT thanks to: Demi Lovato, Carrie Fisher, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Patty Duke, Sinead O'Conner and Evan Perry(RIP) BTW if you actually had any of the disorders she has you would understand it is NOT a bid for attention"

I am lucky enough to know 2 other people who are Bipolar. I say lucky because most people no matter how much they love you or profess to be a good friend just don't get it. Bipolar gets Bipolar - for good or bad they just do. When someone famous identifies themselves as being in treatment or even having been hospitalized for Bipolar you feel a little bit less alone. Sadly there is a downside. Being famous these people have access to the best doctors, meds, hospitals and treatment - most people diagnosed with Bipolar are not that lucky. All these things take money and insurance, something most people(whether mentally ill or not)do not have or not very much of. This can cause the ones around us, the very people who profess to love us, to compare our behavior, and what they perceive as lack of improvement or trying, to people who tend to be in the spotlight after being helped at a level I can't even imagine (but would love to experience). Very few of the famous implode on "camera". Sinead O'Conner came pretty close - remember Saturday Night Live? Kurt Cobain - self-medicated then suicide. Carrie Fisher almost destroyed her own life/fame but came back and talks openly about her experience with ECT(electro-convulsive therapy)
Voyeurism, when it concerns mental illness, draws the line at friends and family. People are looking for happy endings and for most of us they are not going to be found watching friends and family living with Bipolar. Our struggle will never mirror the struggle of the famous. I don't mean to minimize the famous' struggle but as I've said they tend to have the advantage. 
I fight for some semblance of normalcy everyday. I just recently regained some after over 2 1/2 years of pure hell. Hell that some might dismiss as weakness but whatever you want to judge it as  remember that it was my framework that my life played out in. I dealt with major medical issues for myself and my father. Death: my grandmother, my great-aunt and my dad. My hell consists of some of the deepest most profound depressions you can never imagine. Anger that stems from places I can't understand.... I'll finish this later...  

18 April 2011

A Theory is a Theory but a theory is not a Theory


Can we all agree (and by all I mean the religious zealots) that there are two specific definitions of the word THEORY.

The common,scientific definition: "A set of statements or principles devised to explain a group of facts or phenomena. Most theories that are accepted by scientists have been repeatedly tested by experiments and can be used to make predictions about natural phenomena."                                             

Now the one most proponents of ID/creationism use to try to debunk Evolution is this: "A proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural, in contrast to well-established propositions that are regarded as reporting matters of actual fact." 

The problem with using the latter is you negate the Theories of Gravity, Relativity, Germ and Atomic among many others. In attempting to discredit real science because of the need to validate personal religious beliefs the religious put all scientific knowledge and advances into question. Ironically they have no issue with accepting that which benefits them while dismissing anything that threatens the fragile religious-pseudo-scientific world they have created.

08 April 2011

The Decline of East Coast Politics

To all the Tea Party-Republican-Conservative-Liberatarian- Koch follower lackeys.... please make an attempt to see who and what is inching us closer to this ridiculous point of shut down. While the President & Democrats are not without some blame the majority of this mess falls directly on John Boehner(who needs a spine) and the rest of the moderates who are buckling to the extremist element aka the Tea Party. This is about the FEDERAL BUDGET not sectarian ideas that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. The party of  "we are the TRUE patriots" seems more like the party of "lets screw over our military and the Americans who financially cannot handle this right now" I'll be honest I'm torn between dread and morbid curiosity about what will happen when it's time to raise the debt ceiling.

04 April 2011

whatever is new is old again

So Obama is running (officially) again for President. The other side has a full assortment of potentials, although some of the candidates may not be playing with full decks. Tim Pawlenty, Newt Gingrich (his unofficial slogan is: "who cares about the economy lets change 'equal rights' to 'equal rights only for people just like me"), Michelle Bachman, Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul & Rand Paul (a father/son Tea Party act), Sarah Palin (will she - won't she), Jimmy McMillan (of the "rents too high" infamy), Haley Barbour ("I'm not a racist but Jim Crow was not that bad."), Rick Santorum and John Bolton. And on a bizarre side note.... Randall Terry (yes that Randall Terry - founder of the radical pro-life movement Operation Rescue) switched from the Republican Party to the Democrats in 2011. My guess being he figured the odds might be better running against less people in the primary - face/palm

05 March 2011

This is from a post on Facebook

This is from a post on Facebook:
New Hampshire’s legislature is likely to hold a vote to repeal the state’s law permitting same-sex marriage next January, a development that would force the GOP presidential field to confront the issue on the eve of the first-in-the-nation primary.

A recent move guarantees the gay marriage bills will come up for a vote in the state House in 2012.

Biff C. THERE IS NO SUCH A UNION AS HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE. Marriage is a natural union between a male and female. Please obey the natural law.Man to lie down with man is unnatural,unproductive.

Jacqueline G.
‎@ Biff C. -- Dear Biff, Please try to pull it together. Your insecurities and irrational fears make you a rather unproductive member of our society. You need to step out of the dark ages and realize different does not equal dangerous. Gay people do not pose a threat to you - except maybe in your mind. Love is a good thing that should be celebrated. Ignorance, whether willful or not, is a dangerous tool. Try to be more enlightened. Accept people for who they are not what your perception of them may be. Educate yourself outside of the closed minded religious box you exist in. Be aware that it is 2011 not 1120 and the majority of society does not look to outdated religious texts for moral guidance anymore.