Incessant Ramblings of an Infidel

29 June 2014

Tired

I'm tired of many things.

I am so very, very tired.

People that are rude.

People that lie.

The unfairness of life.

Poverty.

Illness - all kinds.

Mental illness sorta tops that list.

Those who wish to an imaginary being
to solve problems.

People who dismiss others problems.

Depression.
People whom you do a favor for
and
"God" gets the credit.
People who never appreciate anything
and
expect everyone to give them everything.
Ignorance.
I'm mostly tired of being me
and
pushing on.

30 November 2013

Here's where it gets fuzzy

Here's where it gets fuzzy. How does one build a strong nation while tearing out the underpinnings of its people most in need of protection? Disabled, unemployed, homeless, sick, mentally ill, poor, uneducated and elderly.These are all Americans just as much as the wealthy, the arrogant, the privileged. I question the veracity of the claim that I am less an American because I am disabled, gay, a woman, mentally ill, unemployed or because I do not hold to religious beliefs especially the notion that this is a christian nation. I am intelligent and educated. I am a voracious reader and I work hard to expand my knowledge to the greatest extent possible. I read texts that I may not necessarily agree with but fill the need of broadening my views whether thru affirmation or negation. I cannot understand people who do not wish to educate themselves - to further their knowledge. Why do some wish to wallow in ignorance, a cage of their own making, and even try to prison others in it? I told you it got fuzzy.

06 September 2013

Until the other shoe drops...

So, a surprise.

I went to bed on Saturday 11 April in the throes of one of the longest and deepest depressions I've had in a very long time. And on Sunday 12 April I awoke to... no depression. There was no slow shifting change it was just - BAM - I feel like nothing was ever wrong.

This lasted until the weekend of my cousin's wedding June 27 to July 1st - when it started to get a little murky and by the time we arrived home I was in complete meltdown. Go figure. Since then it's been up and down with melancholia straight thru the center. I tend to think that the latter part is related to a physical ailment - more tired than usual and blue toes. The doctors took a ton of blood and ruled out Lupus, auto-immune diseases in general, rheumatoid issues but now are looking at thyroid. Thank you Lithium if it is. Won't know the results for a bit.

27 November 2012

There's NOTHING more I WANT from you

Here it is again. I did not ask for this visit. The only difference is that it arrives more often. I honestly thought I would have more time. The gaps narrow and I have no choice but to accept them. I love the 'up' times but there are so few now. I have one option but I don't feel ready for that finality yet. Count the minutes. Count the weeks. Count the years. Count the days to the holidays.

29 October 2012

I'm holding out for a HERO

I don't think America knows what a hero is anymore.

he·ro   [heer-oh]  

noun, plural he·roes

1.

a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

2.

a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal: He was a local hero when he saved the drowning child.

As much as I like sports I do not think that any player fits the criteria.
The same is true of an elderly man who suffers memory loss and walks from NH to NC. Lucky as hell but not a hero.

You know who real heroes are... Firemen and Police especially the ones on 9/11. Our military.People who put their lives on the line, knowing full well they are putting themselves in harms way - Paramedics and EMT's
A child's Mother and Father when they chase away the monsters in the closet and under the bed - for that is a child's view.
As adults we need to realize that the word hero is a special word with special meaning that should not be invoked lightly.