Suicide is painless?

You are right - 100% correct - FUCK THIS POST

I think about suicide everyday - have since I was a child I'm 46 now. Call me me selfish, tell me I romanticize it but realize you don't know me and have NEVER walked in my shoes. Molested by a cousin and his friend as a child and then "man-handled" by a peer with developmental disabilities but not mentally disabled. Bullied by "family" and Bipolar - a litany of meds that don't work or only for a brief time. On disability and judged by family, friends and strangers because ... you look/act well enough to work but we conveniently forget you end up on a Psych Ward at least once a year and who could forget the SIX MONTHS you spent in the mental hopital(a chorus of "I do, I do") Where are the understanding people who are casting judgement when it's been 1 week, 2 weeks , a month since you showered because it's so hard to get out of bed. Feeling sorry for the people I leave behind that's a laugh. Unless you tried to understand, unless you were really there - dealing with the crap in your own life and making time for me and my problems. DO NOT THROW YOUR GUILT TRIP AT ME because I did not ask for this and I do not need your pity and most definitely I do not need any more baggage.

So FUCK YOU and FUCK THIS POST.

PS - This is the SHORT version.

The above was my response to the original post.

Below is my response to a friend who posted this and apologized for upsetting me.

I have a few suicides in my family and so I have seen the guts(is that the right word?) it takes as well as what people call the selfishness. I have seen that post before and today it just set me off(difficult night) I understand where you were coming from with that and after viewing the page I get(I think) where most people are at when it comes to mental illness in general. Perhaps the internet is the new mental hospital - bringing people together in their pain, trying to understand each other but there is no real human contact so I think it's more difficult to not judge.

When I was 17 I  self-committed to a mental hospital. I can tell you one thing about leaving high school that February - it was the hardest decision I ever made but it was the most right. I spent 4 months there and was surrounded by people ranging in age of 10 to 80. It was actually very nice - really good food(I put on 20#), school/classes and lots of therapy. Out of all the children/teens there most had made at least one attempt and some were constant cutters/self harmers but none romanticized it. It was just the idea that the pain would be gone(self harm is different it is about feeling but also wanting the pain to go - strange dichotomy). We were all so different but the pain being gone was our common thread. It is not just the adult who struggles with mental illness on a daily basis it is most especially the child, the teen. It is just for some of us the pain does't dissipate and society sees the adult with mental illness as a "real" issue because their parents aren't there to care for them anymore - society must pick up the slack.

I talk/write a lot but I want you(people) to understand that this is most definitely not a choice. I can't imagine anyone wanting this life - whether it be better or worse than mine. Again I thank you for your compassion, empathy and true attempts at understanding and I value your friendship - it is frustrating living in such a repressed environment - but long distance friendships on FB with like/open minded people do help.